My desk is a mess.
Remember in 4th grade when your teacher would hand out manilla folders during spelling tests – propping them up like little voting booths in order to create a cheat barrier between you and the next student?
That’s what my desk looks like. I’m currently walled in on three sides by piles of text books, unopened mail and stacks of Greek flash cards.
When Kate asked us to reflect upon where we find ourselves “sitting” these days, all I could think about was the fact that I didn’t even know where to start.
Some days I wake up dreading allthethings, hitting my snooze button so as to put them off even for just a moment longer.
Life doesn’t have to be this perpetual rat race, does it? Unfortunately, I fear our speed of life doesn’t change much when our seasons change.
Whether we’re in school, chasing little ones, kicking tail in our careers, or doing all three, we all have a lot going on.
I don’t know about you but my constant flow of shoulda-woulda-coulda feels overwhelming. Many of my days start early into the morning and go late into the night because I’ve made myself get up earlier and go to bed later just so that I can complete everything. With very little pause between my multiple roles at work, school and church, coupled with trying to find time for friends (so as not become a hermit who eats only cereal and cheese sticks), in many ways I’ve lost sight of why what I’m doing is important.
I’ve become so inundated that my time to process what I’m feeling or thinking seems nearly non-existent. And to make the space to do so feels trite and impossible.
My keen googling skills tell me that I’m burning(ed) out.
As I sit here, fighting against some of the strongest apathy I’ve ever battled, I’m finding that fact hard to object.
And yet, regardless of all of this, I know that I know that I know God is calling me to reorder and re-prioritize. He is asking me to rely on Him and Him alone. To carve out space in my life by saying ‘no’ to things that seem right and good and smart in order to say ‘yes’ to other things that seem silly and irresponsible.
I hear Him saying, “You do not need to do it all. Others can and will step up. Rest and trust Me to provide for you regardless of the abilities I’ve given you. Don’t be afraid of the consequences of saying ‘no’. Instead, be concerned with the consequences of your ‘yes’. Doing it all doesn’t prove anything to Me, it only keeps you from My presence. You have a purpose, but you don’t need to run full steam ahead in order for it to come to pass. Trust Me to invite you into it in it’s right time. You will not miss your train, you cannot miss what I have for you–but you can miss Me.”
The author of Hebrews wrote, “And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:1-3
I’ve lost heart.
I know I’ll find it again – but only if I first seek Jesus and some rest.
Have you ever found yourself in season like mine? What did you do? How did you apply “rest” to your life? How did you see God move because of it?