Science 101

1/28
((from Bridget))

Okay, class, settle down. Settle down, please settle down now. Wow, so much excitement here in class today, we must be nearing the end of term indeed.

As you know, I believe in each and every one of you and am so very proud of our colleagues here who have just received their graduate level admission slips. Let’s give them a round of applause, shall we?

Well done, good and faithful students. Now then, while we do congratulate each one of you on the successful securing of your ongoing educational endeavors, you must still pass my class. In an effort to support each of you as the fearfully and wonderfully crafted children that you are, I have tailored your final projects to your unique scientific curiosities. But let me be very clear…you must pass my class before I can release your final grade. Give me your best efforts and I will support the plans ordained to prosper you, the plans to give you hope and a future, agreed?

Let us now turn our attention here to the final research assignment for this class:

Final Research Thesis
Professor E.M. Manuel
Science 403B: Introduction to General Sciences
Deadline: Wednesday, May 2nd, 9:00am (beginning of class)
Length: 10 pages, single-spaced, all citations adequately referenced

Your task is to extend and deepen the analysis that you began in last semester’s Research Assignment #2. Do so in the following ways:

1. Provide additional historical background, information, and examples about your chosen science, incorporating material from Research Assignment #2 and/or recent observations and research.

2. Expand research and discussion of your original theoretical concept(s). Complete an additional 3 readings on your science of choice (beyond assigned readings).

3. Answer the question proposed concerning your specific realm of scientific study. Additional discussion and conclusive support linking the proposed theoretical concepts to your specific science is expected. Your task is to use your research and observations found within your scientific realm to adequately address the questions proposed here today in class.

Well, there we have it. You have the rest of this semester to study, read, write, pray if you must, and submit your final research thesis. Upon submission and acceptance of this masterpiece, you will be granted a certificate of graduation from our prestigious University of All Nations.

Now, please take out a pen and I will recite for each of you the questions crafted for your unique scientific endeavor:

Firstly, Adam – our dear brother Adam, are you still serious about pursuing a Doctor in
Veterinary Medicine program? I sure hope so… I just submitted my letter of reference for you through the VMCAS application service (soft laughter). Well my son, your question is this:

• I brought you every beast of the field and all of the birds of the air and you named them. Whatever you called each living creature, that was its name (Genesis 2:19-20). Any name you wish to change now that you have studied their behaviors and migration patterns more intently? Explain why and to what name you would change it to? Defend your request and maybe, just maybe, we will change that species name, agreed?

Now then, who is next? Let me see here…

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, where are you fine gentlemen seated today? Are you boys truly ready for your advanced studies in quantum physics (audible gasp sweeps across classroom)? Well, if anyone has the work ethic and determination required, it can be found in the likes of you three. Now, your question is this:

• Do you remember your time in the blazing furnace of King Nebuchadnezzar? You might recall that witnesses saw his soldiers turn it to seven times hotter than usual. You were bound, clothed, and thrown into the fiery furnace. You claim that the God you serve was able to save you and rescue you (Daniel 3: 16-30). King Nebuchadnezzar examined you all himself and found not one hair singed. So not it is time to prove to me this: How was it done? Using your knowledge of energy levels, atoms and subatomic particles, explain how the laws of thermal energy were defied?

Alright, who is fifth? Ah yes, are you here today, Moses? There he is, our future oceanographer. Well old pal, your question is this:

• You spent quite some time between the walls of the Red Sea on your right and on your left (Exodus 14: 21-22). We were all fascinated by your previous study on the red-colored Trichodesmium erythraeum seasonal blooms and I personally have maintained a piqued interest in your theories concerning the Red Sea’s high state of salinity. However, for your final thesis, your question is this. With photographic evidence supporting your claim, describe and detail a minimum of 20 species of fish and shark that are habitants within the Red Sea, but can be found nowhere else. The world acclaims you as the Red Sea expert, now it’s time to prove it!

We have the one and only Saul/Paul as the sixth student here on my list. Brother Paul, are you serious about your medical pursuits in the specialty of Ophthalmology? I believe your significant episode of temporary blindness will indeed help you care for your patients with an unparalleled empathy. My question for you is simple:

• Prove to us the disease process that ensued during your documented episode of compromised visual acuity on your journey to Damascus (Acts 9:1-19). Use the accepted definition of less than 20/200 vision and convince us that there were no outlying factors aggravating your condition or affecting your case such as macular degeneration, cataract, glaucoma, diabetic retinopathy, or atrophy of the optic nerve. Ananias reports “scales fell from your eyes” – take that tissue sample and submit a histopathologic analysis of it in your final thesis submission.

Now how fitting to have our servant Job as lucky number 7 on my list; this class would truly be incomplete without having you in here with all of us. Well class, some of you may know that Job has set his aspirations on being my teacher’s assistant for the next academic school year. Oh Job, I wonder if you know what you have gotten yourself into (laughter fills the air). Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me:

• Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place? Have you entered the storehouses of the snow or seen the storehouses of the hail, which I reserve for times of trouble, for days of war and battle? Do you give the horse its strength or clothe its neck with a flowing mane? Does the eagle soar at your command and build its nest on high (Job 38-41)?

Ah, saved by the bell. Well don’t think anyone in my class is getting off that easily. The list of questions for the remainder of you all will be posted outside of my office this afternoon.

Gideon, Joseph, Immaculate Mary, Daniel, Zechariah, and Mary Magdalene – you will find your questions there. And Doubting Thomas, I do hope that after this assignment, you will be able to rid yourself of that most unfortunate nickname once and for all, agreed? Alright then, class dismissed. Go in peace.

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